Hi!  I am still here!  I’ve just been busy moving to my new place in Southwest Portland.  After days of lifting and heaving and pushing and dropping all of my belongings, nothing sounds better to me right now than a morning at a luxurious spa followed by an afternoon on the beach.  Isn’t it lucky for me that The Ritz-Carlton Hotels in Mexico and the Caribbean are offering some great specials right now for summer getaways!

I like my new place and all, but I’d definitely rather have this view right now, at The Ritz-Carlton, San Juan:

Right now at The Ritz-Carlton, San Juan and The Ritz-Carlton Golf & Spa Resort, Rose Hall, Jamaica, you can reserve four nights for the price of three.  And at The Ritz-Carlton, St. Thomas, pay for four nights and get a complimentary fifth night.  It’s the perfect excuse to treat yourself to a luxurious long weekend.  Ritz-Carlton hotels feature the finest luxury accommodations, plus five-star spa services and unforgettable vacation activities — whether you’re looking for romance, family fun, or just the ultimate in relaxation, these destinations will deliver.

Visit www.ritzcarlton.com or call 1-800-241-3333 to make reservations and take advantage of these special offers.

When you unlock the driver’s side door, the car begins to tick; it’s like a time bomb.  It is a time bomb, actually — because if you don’t get the key in the ignition and crank it over within about 10 seconds, the horn starts blaring, lights start flashing, and you become that guy — the one who can’t get his #&@! car to shut up.

It took me a little while to figure out this routine.  Unlock the door and TOUCH NOTHING until you start the car.  It’s really annoying to have to start the car every time you want to grab something out of the back seat or trunk, and of course we still set that stupid alarm off at least once a day, but hey, I’m paying $7 a day for this thing; I’m not complaining.  Much.

The 2010 Ford Focus that my husband and I rented from Alamo in south Florida is really not a bad car, and you can’t beat the price.  But sometimes I do want to beat this car with a stick.  This car is kind of an asshole.

The stereo automatically mutes itself until everyone is buckled up.  This isn’t a problem, really, because of course everyone should buckle up all the time, but it gives the car a major air of self-righteousness.  I was gonna buckle up before we got going!  Stop assuming I’m so irresponsible!  Yeesh.

The real issue with the stereo, though, is that it won’t let you turn up the volume very far.  This thing is just loaded with parental controls.  Look, I’m not some reckless hooligan, but I like to drive with the windows down and the radio up and this a-hole car won’t let me enjoy that.  Screw you, cheap Focus.

Possibly the most obnoxious of the controls on this car is the speed governor.  Now I wasn’t planning on driving over 80mph, so I don’t really mind that I can’t, but what I do mind is that the car won’t stop dinging to warn me that I’m close to my max speed when I’m driving 75mph.  The speed limit is 70, and everyone knows that the real speed limit is whatever’s on the sign +10.  I should be able to go 5 over without the car flipping out on me.  And I’d like to be able to hear my music while I barely speed, please.

Lastly, our rental is black.  I’m not car racist, but this just isn’t a good idea in south Florida in the summer — look what it did to my gummy bears!

Not all of Alamo’s rental cars are like this one, and next time I rent one, I’ll be sure to get one without so many controls.  And honestly, for $7 a day, it could be a lot worse.

Want to know how we found a $7-a-day rental?  Read my tip on Traveldudes.org.

When that little groundhog told us we were in for a long winter, was anyone prepared for all the snow, snow, and more snow that’s been falling?  Everyone dreams of a white Christmas, but come mid-February, we’re back to dreaming of flowers blossoming, green trees, and warm rays of sunlight, right?  It might be a while before you see any of that at home, but it’s all waiting for you at Grand Cayman island in the Caribbean Sea.  The Ritz-Carlton, Grand Cayman is offering a special Stingray Splash vacation package with a complimentary fifth night at the luxury hotel.

The package includes accommodations at the Ritz-Carlton, Grand Cayman, a trip for two to Stingray City, and a free fifth night of your vacation.  What is this Stingray City?  According to ocean explorer and preservationist Jean-Michel Cousteau, it is one of the best snorkeling sites in the world.  To get there, you’ll board the Intrepid motor yacht at the resort’s dock with a group of no more than 8 total visitors.  It’s a 15-minute boat ride to the shallow sandbar in Cayman’s North sound known as Stingray City.

In crystal clear, 3-foot-deep waters, guests can snorkel, play with and feed the gentle stingrays which are accustomed to human visitors.

When you’re not communing with friendly rays, there’s plenty more to enjoy at the Ritz-Carlton, Grand Cayman:  Silver Rain, a La Prairie Spa, Jean-Michel Cousteau’s Ambassadors of the Environment family program, Blue Tip, a 9-hole golf course designed by Greg Norman, and of course all the fine dining options you’d expect at any Ritz-Carlton property.

The Stingray Splash package starts at $609 per night for the high season.  Visit www.ritzcarlton.com for reservations and more information.